All children and babies have their own quirks. Just like adults, they all have tendencies that make them unique. While my Son, Liam, has and always will be, unique in his own way, he started doing something recently that had me a bit concerned.
I saw it once in a movie and it made me laugh in the “Well, that is extreme and would never happen”, sort of way. In the film, “The Change-Up“, there’s a scene where you see one of Jason Bateman’s children, banging its head on the crib.
While it is not as violent as it is portrayed in the movie, Liam started doing this a little bit after turning 6 months old. According to Baby Center, up to 20% of children do this, and it happens to boys more than girls.
I will get this out of the way right now…
We have done (the controversial) co-sleeping ever since he was born. Before giving birth, I had always said “No way!” to the idea of sleeping with my baby next to me. This was simply because I was so worried about rolling over on him, or any other possible incidents.
This all changed when he was born and he would fall asleep on my chest. I found myself waking up at every movement he made. While my sleep schedule has suffered, like every other Mother’s, my body adjusted. I find extreme comfort in having him next to me. You can read more about our experience here.
This is not to say that we did not try a bassinet several times when he was a newborn. As soon as his arms hit the sides of the bassinet mid-sleep, he would wake up screaming. I tried to get him to sleep in his bassinet every night for weeks. This meant, I was not getting any sleep and his sleep was getting disrupted. It was not worth trying to get him to sleep on his own. Breastfeeding or sleep-feeding, if you want to call it that, helps both of us get such a better, uninterrupted night of rest.
I spoke to my doctor about this.
She’s the same Doctor that I had throughout my entire pregnancy, and she continues to be our family doctor. Right away, she said, “Oh, he’s one of those babies!” It was as though she hears about it every day! She completely understood our struggle; she had the same experience with her youngest child.
I will always say how much I love our doctor. Whenever I have any worries, about my pregnancy or how I am raising Liam, she puts my mind at ease. She lets me know that it is all normal and I am, contrary to my beliefs, doing a good job.
When my initial plan of him sleeping in the bassinet didn’t work, my plan changed to having him in his crib at six months old. While sleeping in the same bed helps us, I wanted him to begin learning a bit of independence. I didn’t want to stay frozen in one position each night; worrying that every muscle I moved would wake him up. Maybe, hopefully, since his crib was bigger than a bassinet it would be the magical solution.
I, therefore, started putting him in his crib.
For naps, and during times when I would be right next to him so he could see me, we tried crib time. The list of ways we attempted crib time could go on forever. Each time, it resulted in a tantrum or at least mild screaming. Even if he had books and toys to look at, he would just continue crying and then he began headbanging.
At six months old, no matter how resilient his baby body and bones are, it made me worried to see him doing it. I took him out of the crib almost right away the first time I saw him hitting his head against his crib. He was doing it so hard, that I thought for sure he was just hurting himself. Other times, I tried to let him cry it out because I was literally, one foot away from him doing laundry. I thought maybe, it was just part of his separation anxiety, which can also start at six months.
However, now that he is able to move and groove, I can’t leave him on our bed surrounded by pillows for nap time. I can’t hold him every second, either. I also try holding him until he falls asleep, then place him in his crib. Even then, I have to stay until he naturally lets go of my arm. Which, doesn’t happen of course. He holds on for dear life. I thought that if I leave a shirt that has my smell on it near him during naptime, maybe it would be comforting. This sort of worked- but I couldn’t do that overnight.
While looking for solutions…
I found a lot of sites that just say to leave him alone. To allow him to continue banging his head. The longest I have let him do this was 15 minutes. Some websites say it can go on for up to an hour. The reason behind some babies doing it is that it is a way of self-soothing. Whether it is during a tantrum, right before bed, or a way to deal with some other pain such as teething. The motion is apparently a way for them to soothe themselves.
Will it be hard to leave him to it? Yes. Do I see this as a way that co-sleeping has backfired? No. Letting him cry it out simply does not work. I rather build a trusting relationship in which he knows I will be there to be with him.
I have read many different opinions on the subject and each person has a different method to prevent this from reoccurring. So far, none of these have worked. Distracting him, giving him attention but not when he is banging his head… the works. While they all make sense, I still feel bad that he feels frustrated to the point of doing it in the first place. I will see how things progress from here and will be telling my Doctor all about it of course.
If you have any experience with a head-banging baby, please let me know your story and if you found anything to be helpful. I understand that each and every baby is different but knowing your stories will be helpful! They will also probably be comforting since many websites say that headbanging can be connected to Autism. It can be a red flag of Autism, but I have also been told not to worry too much for it is rarely the case.
I am sharing what we are going through at the moment, not to be judged for co-sleeping or for not having a better “routine”. I simply want others who may be going through it to know that they are not alone. It is hard to see your baby do anything that may eventually hurt him (or her) self. Hopefully, this phase will pass as he learns other ways to communicate and self-soothe. I have read that for some, it only passes once they are 3 or 4 years old. Fingers crossed it won’t take that long!
Update: Liam HAS grown out of this and we successfully achieved having him sleeping on his own in his crib. It just took a bit of time for him to adjust. When he got old enough to understand bedtime and get excited to read and see his star light, he was excited to go to sleep. You’ll get through this phase, and you may even miss it sometimes! You can do it, and so can your little one.
Are you going through a head banging situation with your little one? What did you do?
My daughter is doing this now. Did your son grow out of it?
Hi Marisa!
Thank you for commenting!
Yes, Liam thankfully outgrew this. We waited a few more months before attempting sleep training, because I could not handle seeing him continue to head bang and I thought that he just was not ready.
A few months later, it took less than a week of a schedule and he is now a pro at sleeping on his own, WITHOUT any head-banging involved. He simply sits in his crib until he’s ready to lay down.
You are not alone and I am sure your daughter will outgrow it. Please, keep me updated though and I am always here if you want to talk. I am glad I am not alone in having their child do this. Hearing a statistic is one thing, but actually speaking to someone about it is much more comforting.